Today’s holiday post comes from Teddy Wayne, author of the forthcoming Kapitoil and the recipient of a 2010 NEA Creative Writing Fellowship. The first time Teddy and I met, we nonchalantly discussed all manner of foully humorous things. Please let that and his post below alert you to the fact that his book is very funny, and that you should read it when it comes out in April. Or he’ll kill you.

I couldn’t be happier about contributing to the Olive Reader, Harper Perennial’s weblog, or, as the kids call it, “web log.” Nothing says the holidays like writing a sub-200-word blog post spreading the word about your forthcoming novel (Kapitoil, available April 13) that eight people will read because you posted it on Facebook and no one will “like,” “comment” upon, or “like” (in the non-Facebook sense)! It kind of feels like those disappointing Christmas mornings you had as a child, when you woke up expecting toys under the tree and all your family members gathered together, and instead found yourself arrested under suspicion of acting as ringleader for a multistate crystal-meth ring. Well, my Wi-Fi time is limited here at Franklin Correctional Facility, so I’ll sign off by entreating you once more to embody the holiday spirit and purchase a small yet heartfelt book by one of HarperCollins’s lesser-known authors: Going Rogue by Sarah Palin.

When we last saw Teddy Wayne, author of the forthcoming Kapitoil (on sale April 13), he was on the lookout for a priest’s robe. You can see why in this hilarious video, part of the Worst Speeches of All Time series on Comedy Central (note: that is not Teddy wearing the priest’s robe in the video. He just wrote the thing.)

This trailer has convinced me more than ever that the key to a good book trailer is good music:

Harper Perennial authors on tour this week:

Teddy Wayne, whose debut novel is Kapitoil

Monday April 26: McSweeney’s 34/The End of Major Combat Operations party / reading with Nick McDonnell / music by the Blasting Company
826 LA East / Stories Books & Cafe (combined location), Los Angeles CA
Thurs April 29: Books Inc Opera Plaza, San Francisco CA

Willy Vlautin, whose newest novel is Lean on Pete

Tues April 27: Powell’s, Portland OR
Weds April 28: Elliott Bay Book Company, Seattle WA

Minrose Gwin, whose debut novel is The Queen of Palmyra

Sat May 1: McIntyre’s, Pittsboro NC

In Teddy Wayne’s Kapitoil, the main character, Karim, is a young financial wizard who arrives in New York City from Qatar in 1999. As you can imagine, it’s not exactly the smoothest transition—though it is quite hilarious. Imagine being dropped into your current job from a completely different world. Aside from learning to actually do your job, one of the hardest things might be, as it is for Karim, learning the utterly bizarre business jargon of the corporate world. Just here at Harper Perennial, which is not even as corporate-y as many places, we have mysterious acronyms like POS and ISIS and DAM and CTB. Other examples, used in complete sentences, include:

What will the cost delta be if we’re engaged further?

I’ll be OOP [out of pocket] tomorrow, so if folks on the line have any questions, they should query now.

Do any parts of the project dovetail given the tight timeline?

So, in celebration of both the ridiculousness of corporate America and Kapitoil (and Teddy’s participation in the McSweeney’s reading in LA tonight and his reading in SF on thursday), we’re running a contest! Please comment with the most arcane, absurd, and utterly useless business jargon you’ve ever heard in your office. Make sure to tell us what it means (I can’t decipher some of this stuff on my own). The ones that Teddy and Harper Perennial think are the most bizarre will win their authors signed copies of Kapitoil as well as some other Harper Perennial books to be determined later, as well as a post on this blog extolling their glory. Go to it!

Just a quick reminder that our business jargon contest will end this Friday at noon, so get your entries in ASAP! Feel free to comment here or on the original entry. Rules are below for your convenience. Put your thinking caps on! (and yes, I have heard that phrase at the office.)

Rules!
So, in celebration of both the ridiculousness of corporate America and Kapitoil (and Teddy’s participation in the McSweeney’s reading in LA tonight and his reading in SF on thursday), we’re running a contest! Please comment with the most arcane, absurd, and utterly useless business jargon you’ve ever heard in your office. Make sure to tell us what it means (I can’t decipher some of this stuff on my own). The ones that Teddy and Harper Perennial think are the most bizarre will win their authors signed copies of Kapitoil as well as some other Harper Perennial books to be determined later, as well as a post on this blog extolling their glory. Go to it!